How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
