Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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