I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
