I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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