There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
