Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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