i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
