You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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