I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
