Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
