what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
