If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
