Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
