I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
