no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
