the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
