wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
