I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
