i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
