i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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