I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
