Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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