Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
