he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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