My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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