He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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