is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
