Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

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  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (5018) Bad night (1029)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  wow.

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  (219): NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh (1-219): wow. http://tfl.nu/be02
  Replies (38) Good night (6806) Bad night (2984)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.

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  (203): It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work. http://tfl.nu/tfd2
  Replies (14) Good night (983) Bad night (3888)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?

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  (412): turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's? http://tfl.nu/akbw
  Replies (4) Good night (2685) Bad night (901)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.

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  (315): I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions. http://tfl.nu/ogn1
  Replies (3) Good night (2771) Bad night (1047)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

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  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (4234) Bad night (1691)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now

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  (903): Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now http://tfl.nu/6vco
  Replies (3) Good night (1588) Bad night (1201)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though

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  (+31): Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though http://tfl.nu/2ww7
  Replies (4) Good night (1432) Bad night (1369)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.

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  (317): I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me. http://tfl.nu/xee4
  Replies (8) Good night (2609) Bad night (836)
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  (464): View more from Illinois

  He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.

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  (464): He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit. http://tfl.nu/lyxm
  Replies (10) Good night (2589) Bad night (756)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".

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  (401): Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans". http://tfl.nu/re7n
  Replies (6) Good night (409) Bad night (1013)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.

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  (231): She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis. http://tfl.nu/zwdy
  Replies (7) Good night (502) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.

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  (724): No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face. http://tfl.nu/bjr7
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (399)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.

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  (503): He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment. http://tfl.nu/auln
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.

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  (317): No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30. http://tfl.nu/14gy
  Replies (0) Good night (620) Bad night (352)

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