They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
