be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize