so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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