I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.