Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
