I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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