he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
