Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He better not be in your backpack
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
