there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
