I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
