i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
