Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
