Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
