great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
