Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
