Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
