Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
