Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
