Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
