Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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