it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize