I haven't been this sober since birth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
