And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
