eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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