So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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