So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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