I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
