I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
