What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
