I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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