jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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