So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
