is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
