I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
