butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
