Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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