ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
