I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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