i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
