So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
