If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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