if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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