im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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