so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
