I haven't been this sober since birth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
