I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
