We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
false alarm, still single
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize