Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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